BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was so bored today at work, nothing to do from 8:00 until 4.30pm, but here I am.  BORED.

The reason for this blog is the SAME OLD CIRCLE, repeating it time over and over again.   …..  why do we do it to ourselves?will we ever learn???

I worry, and can not make a decision anymore, I think, because I do not believe in myself and yet I ask my family for their approval.  My family who do not talk to me, text me, visit me ( who live less than ten minutes away) the people who I moved to Scotland for.   I fall in the same trap asking their opinion and not following my instinct.  Then being left in same situation.

I nearly had the chance to return back to my home town, back to a teaching job, I just couldn’t do it….. maybe it is sabotage, maybe it is lack of confidence, maybe I am a freak, may be it is my eating disorder..

My brother-in-law stated “it is my own silly fault” as I currently have a stress fracture because of my osteoporosis probably.  YET I SEEK HIS APPROVAL WHY….???

ANYWAY BORED SO BORED at work, BORED OF THIS LIFE…  MISERABLE AT BEING LONELY AND FRIENDLESS tried to be productive so ….enjoy.

http://www.decision-making-confidence.com/

DON’T LET EMOTIONS RULE YOUR LIFE. continued

 

I think we need to do some REVISION:

• HAVE SELF BELIEF

• HONESTY

• BE IN THE MOMENT

• BE MINDFUL AND AWARE OF POSITIVE EXPERIENCES

• HAVE VALUES

• BALANCE LIFE AND FUN

• IT IS NOT ALL OR NOTHING

• CHALLENGE THE SELF TALK

• BE INDEPENDENT

 

Try and make conscientious and positive decisions. Do not let emotions that have guided you in the past continue to do so?

SO personally I think I should take that job, I will try and seize with both hands and take OWNERSHIP>

RELATIONSHIP SKILLS

Emotions connect you to other people and the world!   (My biggest fear about this new job is that I know the people and they do not like me or so I think??)

So to be effective let us revise INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS SKILLS.

• Say No

• Ask for what you need

• Cope with conflict.

If we can do this we are getting our emotions across in a way that is clear and effective.

For example if we angry and we put this is not effective as the other person will not know what is going on etc.

MINDFULNESS APPLICATION

1. Observe and describe: like a narrative, without making assumptions narrate in your head what is happening. This will also keep you focused.
2. Take a non-judgemental stance._ do not evaluate the situation- SEE IT AND ACCEPT IT (JOB!!)
3. STAY PRESENT do not leave the discussion without warning. Do not think and mind wander >>HOW WILL THIS TURN OUT?  Stay present and listen. Narrate. No judging.
4. WILLING be open and stay on the discussion even if it is hard.

There maybe people and family members who make you feel ashamed, unhappy this can lead to contempt and hate for them.

*Rate how you feel about these people and what judgements you hold. And think how you currently cope. * (my sister and I)

To try and overcome these people, emotions and situations that makes us feel uncomfortable etc. We need EXPOSURE THERAPY

The more we confront and embrace these situations and people the easier it becomes.   To do this REMEMBER

1. It is not easy.
2. OBSERVE without judgement and describe watch actually happened
3. MINDFUL be aware of how you feel, e.g. LET IT GO ( if you think I am useless let it go—fluffy bunnies)
4. OPPOSITE ACTION if they make you feel uncomfortable, low self-esteem, engage and pretend to be confident, if angry smile.
5. BREATHE- focus and tell yourself breathe rather than thoughts breathe, long and deep, describe it in your head.
6. NON JUDGEMENTAL look with new eyes, see how you feel and stick to facts!!>

IT IS TAKING SO LONG, WHAT IS THE POINT ANYMORE

I have not blogged but I have been still trying but it has been hard…….my ramblings over the past weeks……

SO LONG IT  IS TAKING!!!……DO MY EMOTIONS GET IN MY WAY?

I must be lazy. I am a failure ….WRONG

• I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN AT THE PRESENT! I am using what I know to get by and I am using what I have learnt previously.
• I WANT TO DO BETTER THEREFORE I AM BEING COMING BETTER SKILLED or I wouldn’t keep trying, questioning and trying to better my life.
• I need to be more motivated, I must be lazy and it is not happening quickly enough, – wrong you are thinking in terms of all or nothing YOU ARE STILL GROWING AND LEARNING.
• I CAN SOLVE PROBLEMS you realise that you want things to change and you are solving problems as they arise you are strong and courage to do this.
• I am unsatisfied with all of this, Do not worry IT WILL PASS AND I AM GOING TO BE HAPPY.
• I will learn NEW EMOTIONS AND SKILLS IN ALL CONTEXTS so that what I can do at home I can use outside and be all rounded.

HAVE VISION! HAVE YOUR VALUES AND BELIEFS! KEEP YOUR SELF FOCUSED.

EMOTIONS are a combination of thought/feeling/and disposition to act.   They are complex and integrated.

We need to target these areas in our cognitive as emotions control the affect on us and give us the activity to respond. This may be appropriate or not. Once we are aware we can change how we REACT.

REMEMBER EMOTIONS WILL NOT LAST FOREVER, it will pass and you DO NOT NEED TO ACT. IT WILL PASS. You gain power with EMOTION REGULATION.

REFLECTING ON THE PAST MAKES YOU THINK, I would have been married 8 years today ( 10^th April L)   I feel sad about all this, I live in my head about it……What if… but it doesn’t exist so why waste time on the WHAT If’s???

CHANGE – why bother it isn’t getting me anywhere

I am, maybe you are to, struggling to find the inner strength to change.???? This could be due to how much you are applying to the connection, the rope e.g.   If you are happy with a situation like love for your cat, the rope tying you to the connection is thin as it does not concern your mind as much, it is not thick or complicated. The connection to ‘Exercise’ for me is a very thick rope probably with one hundred billion knots and it is all twisted and complex…. it would take forever to pick through it all….. TO MOVE FORWARD YOU HAVE TO CUT THE ROPE/BREAK THE CHORD !! Just Start FRESH.  ( cliché- Let us SPRING CLEAN)

If it is annoying just a little you will not break the chord, or the bond. BUT if you feel NO MORE, I DON’T WANT THIS NO MORE, start cutting that rope, it isn’t easy, like cleaning the oven it takes DETERMINATION. Think:

I WANT A HAPPY LIFE I CAN TAKE A RISK!!!!

So once again you want to CHANGE and you may think it is getting BORING..but YOU ARE LEARNING.

BREAK THE BOND whatever you imagine it to be. BREAK IT !!!

Make 4 lists on 4 separate sheets of paper or 4 columns.   ONLY DO ONE AT A TIME AND DO NOT THINK JUST WRITE:

• Pros of change

• Cons of change

• Pros of no change

1. Cons of change

WRITE and DO NOT THINK ( if you are doing it about a relationship or person, you may want to destroy as it could cause harm if discovered beyond repair)

This should HELP YOU.

( FEW DAYS LATER) me…… this is what I was thinking:

“I cannot shake this miserable feeling, parents make me angry in how they treat me.”

EMOTIONS STATES, TRAITS AND MOODS

We all have emotion states and traits and of course moods.

You can be generally disposed to a specific emotion trait. But you experience them ALL emotions>

MOODS are emotions that stick around for longer. TOO LONG and it can develop into a DISORDER e.g. to long being miserable can lead to a disorder of DEPRESSION. Or it can lead to THOUGHT FIXATION e.g. not good enough, I am fat.

State: Love >>   Trait: Loving >> Mood: euphoria

Or

State: anger >> Trait: angry >> Mood: irritable

Emotion: I fear I am not good enough >>> Trait: fearful and worry >>> Mood: Frustration, worry >>> >> eating disorder.

“LET IT GO.”

PRIMARY EMOTIONS: these are

• Uncomplicated, natural response

• Do not need to be thought through. E.g. pet dies you cry,  friend invites you out- you feel happy

There are 9 main emotions including joy, love, interest, sorrow, surprise, fear, disgust, guilt, anger.

They should not be repressed!!!!!!

SECONDARY EMOTIONS:

• Not related to the adaptive response

• Secondary below primary emotions

• Come after a thought process therefore it is complicated. E.g. feeling angry about feeling angry.

Secondary emotions are LEARNT FROM FAMILY. If you do not allow yourself to VALIDATE PRIMARY EMOTION (which is natural) it gets swallowed and warped.

For example a boy falls and cries as he is in pain!! (quite natural) he is told BOYS DO NOT CRY. Through repetition he then develops a secondary response… that it is wrong to cry, unmanly. So as a grownup he will not cry but instead has complex thought processes and develops a way to react and cope which may be different response maybe anger, which is not appropriate.

We DEAL with SECONDARY EMOTIONS through IMPULSIVE BEHAVIOURS which ULTIMATELY becomes very, very UNHELPFUL!!!!!

HENCE WHY WE ARE STUCK WITH THIS DISORDER OR SITUATION

That is a lot to take in SO WE ARE CHANGING, IT IS NOT OUR FAULT AND MORE TO FOLLOW ON …..”HOW WE CAN CHANGE…. ”   (please…..)

So for now if you are at the stage NO MORE >>> BREAK THAT BOND>>>   look at the PROS and CONS… we can DO IT.